June 24, 2008 6:43AM

Lobo Business Alert: Bipartisan Pyramid Worshipers Pass Plan To Help Troubled DogHouse Owners

By Cody Willard

Being in charge of running security for much of lower New York state isn’t all glamour and rock n roll, not even for The City CattleDog himself, lemme tell ya’. I had to spend hours on Sunday, for example, patrolling the perimeter of the Hudson Hidden Valley site…I tracked, caught, took names, and released three squirrels, two birds, and chased one of the feline members of the Evil Order of the Sphinx a good 20 feet up a tree.

It’s hard work, lemme tell ya’, and in the midst of it all, Dogi Master Cody has me training with hovering droids called Frisbees that I snatch out of the air instead of batting down with a light saber. Not that I know how to use a light saber, but I did chew the cover right off of the remote control for the stereo in Cody’s padawan pad…

People don’t seem to take firehydrant security as serious as they should. I tried to tell Cody that I needed more time on the street in front of our house in Soho tonight, as I needed to secure the area by the fire hydrant for the sixth time today — hey, it’s a busy street and I am in charge of running security for much of lower New York state and how would it look if my own neighborhood was infiltrated not just by the 20 dump trucks that drive by every night in the name of protecting our environment but also by one of the doggy-body-snatching Storm Twoofers who can only be detected by lotium olfaction (that’s Dogi Latin…what you thought pigs were the only other species with Latin…come on, you didn’t really think that, did you? ) You really do need to think about those irehydrantsfay.

Ah the pressures of such being a cattledog with so much responsibility and “spot”light. A blog post about me, a stock picking dog on a blog about mutt news? “Internet Long Tail”, indeed, roorah!

Ooh, and here’s a breaking Lobo Business Alert, the Bureaucracy of the Convoluted Pyramid Worshipers passed a vote today through a bipartisan compromise by both the DemoCats and RePelicans and we are going to be passing legislation called the New Hope Alliance that won’t do anything for the millions of homeless dogs put to death each year, but will enable, according to their best estimates, a few rich dogs to stay in their padded doghouses for a few more months…

I heard Dogi Master Cody saying something like that on my new channel on YouTube — http://www.youtube.com/LoboDogTV.

PS. Did you see Joanna Krupa wish me a happy first birthday and blow me a kiss? Rokay, rokay, so being in charge of running security for much of lower New York state does have its glamor and rock n roll to it too.

June 23, 2008 4:40PM

The Big 3: Penny Stocks, McCain’s $300 Million battery, and Liars

By Cody Willard

1. C, GS, MS: Penny Stocks?

2. McCain’s $300 Million Battery Theft

3. Liars at Broadcom (and Apple) To Get Theirs

1. I used to wonder on this show all the time if the financials would eventually face the same fate the telecoms did after the tech bubble burst…Still wondering…

2. McCain says he wants to give $300 million in taxpayer money to anyone who creates a batter that leapfrogs current technology and $5000 to anybody who buys a car with no carbon emissions… I gotta tell you that a battery that saves people thousands of dollars a year on their gas bills is worth several orders of magnitude more than 300 million bucks.

3. Broadcom (BRCM) Co-Founder Henry Samueli pleaded guilty to lying to the SEC and therefore investors about option pay out packages for insiders and executives at Broadcom. People might thing that’s really bad news for former BroadCom CEO Henry Nicholas.. and it is… but it’s even worse news for those guys at Apple (AAPL) like Steve Jobs who still want to pretend that this backdating scam is already over. It’s Not.

PS. Click here to receive the latest edition of our monthly stock market newsletter, The Cody Report, and get exclusive access to this month’s four stock picks.

June 20, 2008 4:42PM

The Big 3: Mind the BS, Thieves in the Night, Put Your Tip Where Your Mouth is

By Cody Willard

1. A Bubbling Cauldron of Noise
2. I’ll Illuminate the Illuminati Endlessly
3. Fight Poverty: Try My Big Tip Theory

1. In case you didn’t hear, today was quadruple witching. Traders and pundits love to talk about technical catalysts like options expirations as if their impact on the market could be gamed…I don’t even believe that you can measure such catalysts. Ignore the noise!

2. I will stop talking about how unfair these bail out packages are for the renters and savers and those who make minimum wage when the Republicans and Democrats stop taking from renters and savers and those who make minimum wage as they unsuccessfully try to prop up the real estate market for those rich land owners and bankers.

3. If you really wanna help poor people, tip big…If you’re rich enough to use the services of people in poverty, make sure you never let them give you any singles for change. Tipping big is a better help than say, fighting for welfare or higher minimum wage. Be accountable yourself for improving the lot of the poor.

June 19, 2008 11:10PM

The Big 3: Help the Help, Longing to Short, and Goldman Gobbles up the Stragglers

By Cody Willard

1. The Red Cross Is Broke.
2. Contrary to the Contrarian…
3. i Is for Illuminati.

1. I mentioned yesterday that the floods in the midwest would cost taxpayers tens of billions of dollars in losses and rebuilding efforts. Turns out, the floods have already depleted the entire national Red Cross disaster relief fund and the agency is now taking out loans to pay for the services its providing in the Midwest right now. Hey, if you wanna help, visit RedCross.org.

2. I’m a pretty vocal commodity bear…and I’ve been a pretty vocal bear on the financials since they finished their recent post-bear sterns bail out rally. I’m wondering if maybe the contrarian trade is to stay long the commodities and short the financials.

3. So Goldman, which has seemingly orchestrated much of all the behind the scenes movements of the Fed and the bail outs they’re sending to Wall Street, reports billions in earnings and says they’ve got some plans to take over some of the struggling SIVs. Call me paranoid if you want, but I gotta call out the manipulative iBank conspiracy that’s seemingly more powerful than ever. I though the “I” in iBank stood for investment…not Illuminati

June 17, 2008 1:59PM

Happy hour guests for the 17th of June

By Cody Willard

Mike Jerrick

Andrew Martin, Good Deed Foundation
Scott Rothbort, Lakeview Asset Management

Guy Johnson, Johnson Capital CEO
Michael Eckhardt, American Council on Renewable Energy
Peter Duprey, Acciona CEO

Father Johnathan Morris

Father Johnathan

June 16, 2008 12:02AM

Why Did Lance Morrow Create a Dark Willard Who Adds Up Evils on TV in NYC…in 1991?

By Cody Willard

I think there should be a Dark Willard.

In the network’s studio in New York City, Dark Willard would recite the morning’s evil report. The map of the world behind him would be a multicolored Mercator projection. Some parts of the earth, where the overnight good prevailed, would glow with a bright transparency. But much of the map would be speckled and blotched. Over Third World and First World, over cities and plains and miserable islands would be smudges of evil, ragged blights, storm systems of massacre or famine, murders, black snows. Here and there, a genocide, a true abyss.

“Homo homini lupus,” Dark Willard would remark. “That’s Latin, guys. Man is a wolf to man.”

Dark Willard would report the natural evils — the outrages done by God and nature (the cyclone in Bangladesh, an earthquake, the deaths by cancer). He would add up the moral evils — the horrors accomplished overnight by man and woman. Anything new among the suffering Kurds? Among the Central American death squads? New hackings in South Africa? Updating on the father who set fire to his eight-year-old son? Or on those boys accused of shotgunning their parents in Beverly Hills to speed their inheritance of a $14 million estate? An anniversary: two years already since Tiananmen Square.

The only depravity uncharted might be cannibalism, a last frontier that fastidious man has mostly declined to explore. Evil is a different sort of gourmet.”

ESSAY: Evil By LANCE MORROW

Monday, Jun. 10, 1991

My mom sent me an email a couple weeks ago with one of Lance Morrow’s essays on evil attached to it. She said she was a bit spooked after she’d read it late that night after stumbling across it in her files on Shakespeare.

Part of what’s so weird about it is how seemingly random the reference to this futuristic Dark Willard TV news guy in Morrow’s otherwise hard-hitting, historical, philosophical essay…after that start to the article he never references Dark Willard again…he never references “a” Dark Willard again. And isn’t Dark Willard shining a light on evil by nature of his job?

There are entire essays about this Dark Willard. Maybe the name’s simply an obvious reference to Willard Scott as some of those essays contend anyway.

It would be an honor to talk with Mr. Morrow about evil regardless, so I don’t know what else to do but ask my bookers to reach out and see if we can get him on the show.

PS. Click here to receive the latest edition of our monthly stock market newsletter, The Cody Report, and get exclusive access to this month’s four stock picks.

June 13, 2008 5:04PM

The Big 3: Head in the Sand, Unsanitary Internet, and Lend a Hand (When You Can)

By Cody Willard

1. It’s Only There If You Don’t See It
2. Public Bathroom on the Net
3. Facebooking Orphans from Juarez

1. The heads of the government and the crony banking syndicate have been trying to promise everyone that the economy is fine and the credit crisis near its end. They’ve been wrong and wrong and wrong again. Want to know when they’ll signal that the credit crisis is actually near its end and the economy about to get better? When they finally start to think things are bad.

2. While Yahoo and Microsoft and most old world media companies are trying to figure out how to effectively deliver relevant search terms and ads, Google’s quietly building a giant Google-Net proprietary broadband network that will make surfing on the public internet akin to being forced to use a public bathroom facility.

3. This week, I was trading facebook messages with a former orphan from Juarez where I do volunteer work…with the help of the Rotary Club of Ruidoso and of so many other giving Americans, she’s now on scholarship at a university in Texas. It’s a global world indeed…give some time and some money to an orphanage this summer.

June 12, 2008 7:04PM

The Big 3: Temp Bear, Colluding Players, and iWinners

By Cody Willard

Here is what I was sweating about when I wasn’t sweating about the heat or killer tomatoes today.

1. Anti Permabear, but pro Tempbear.
2. Illuminati unite to decieve you.
3. iPhone winners: (AAPL) and (GOOG)

1. I used to poke fun, all the time at the perma bears for not being able to recognize the boom times for what they were from 2003 to 2007. Oil, real estate, the dollar, unemployment, inflation, geo politics, were always their reasons for promising pending armageddon. I have to say, though, that in 2008 oil, real estate, the dollar, unemployment, inflation, geo politics, guys, look at charts on those things (although there is no chart for geo politics), but they are all going crazy. They do seem to be bad as those perma bears were wishing they used to be. Call me a Temp-Bear and stay cautious.

2. Bumbling bureaucrats Ben and Paul say that the worst of the credit crisis and economic bad times are behind us. These guys are the same guys who of course who have been colluding with the other Illuminati members, like Lehman, who last week told us the that credit crisis and economic hard times are behind us and that they don’t need anymore capital. Think about it, this week they raised more than six billion dollars in capital.

3. The biggest long term winners of the second generation iPhone: the same winners as the last generation of the iPhone, Apple, don’t overthink it guys, and Google, because they get all that extra traffic on Google and YouTube from all those iPhone users and that stuff is staight margin for Google.

Check it out on YouTube