Power Rankings: Top 5 Winners From This Wall Street Bail Out Package

I'm gonna do a special edition of Power Rankings when I'm a guest on David Asman's fantastic America's Nightly Scoreboard (ooh, they should make that the official name!  "Tune into David Asman's Fantastic America's Nightly Scoreboard tonight at 7pm on Fox Business Network...")

Anyway, here's my Scoreboard Power Rankings of The Top 5 Biggest Winners from this Wall Street Bail Out Package:

5.  Bill Gross – he already pocketed $2 billion in a single day when they nationalized FNM and FRE the day after he wrote in his newsletter about “The bill for our collective speculative profligacy” and today he’s calling for $700 billion more.

4.  Warren Buffett – I used to love him to death, but he just bet $5 billion on Goldman Sachs and then came on our network begging you for your money to help his bet work.

3.  Obama/McCain – Whoever wins the White House is going to get to pretend he’s helping middle America in four years when he tells them he’s suspending the need for any indebted homeowner to bother paying the government back.

2.  Hank Putin/Paulson – He’s going to be our president and will run Bankprom, his financial equivalent to Putin’s energy monopoly Gazprom in Russia.

1.  The rich white kids at Caine every night of the week til 4 am buying $500 bottles of vodka with your tax dollars – They can keep the party going for a few more months now!