April 23, 2008 12:50AM

Quit Stealing from Joe SixPack Because Shaun Alexander Really Ain’t Worth $13k/min

By Cody Willard

And then there’s the pro sports subsidy scams. Yeah, let’s not overlook another direct redistribution of wealth from the poor to the rich in the form of tax-games, subsidizations and what not. We take billions of tax-dollars to subsidize the building of stadiums and other professional sports welfare programs. What a crock.

You realize today that the Seattle Seahawks, that bedrock of the community it is, let go a player they signed to a $62,000,000 contract just 26 months ago? Yeah, we tax the guy making $62,000 a year so that the guy who created a website or strip mall hardware chain or something and has $62,000,000,000 (that’s 62 thousands of millions, btw) of dollars in his checking account so that he can pay a buddy of his $620,000 a year as team president so that he can pay a great player just past his prime $62,000,000 doing what he’d do for practically for free, of course.

Some of the Giants and other professional football players we’ve had on Happy Hour have told me they work about 8 hour days during the season and less than that otherwise. So let’s assume Shaun’s a hardworking pro, putting in 30-40 hour work weeks just trying to be the best running back he can be, including working out and training in the offseason. That’d add up him working about 1500 hours a year for that $15,000,000 he made the first year of that contract.

Joe Sixpack, the guy making $62,000 a year, probably works a 45 hour work week, not including commute, blackberries on the weekend, and reading trade rags during Matlock reruns. That’d add up to about 2250 hours a year for the $62,000 he took him before taxes. Joe’s making $27 per hour before taxes. Oh yeah, those taxes.

The very tax dollars that then go to Shaun’s boss who then had enough frickin excess capital to pay Shawn $10,000 PER HOUR! That’s $166 PER MINUTE. $2.77 per second, including EVERY SINGLE SECOND HE SPENT ANY ENERGY WHATSOEVER ON WORKING FOR THE SEAHAWKS. I mean, I could have broke the $15,000,000 down to the $800,000 he got per game. Which would be $13,333 per minute played on the field. But I was being generous and didn’t want to be outrageous. Impossible when dealing with this outrageous theft of your money and the outrageous sums they then pay these guys, huh?

To summarize then:

We tax the guy making $27 per hour in a stable career as part of the community so that a sports star can make $10,000 per hour for a couple years before moving to another city?
Want to stop this stuff? Quit voting for the Republicans and Democrats in office who keep catering to these billionaire cronies then! I can’t wait to see how this anti-make-the-rich-richer-off-the-poor’s-taxes approach that Seattle does for their economy. The NBA put it best even though they didn’t realize we taxpayers fed up with this stuff would FLIP what they meant:

“Due to a variety of circumstances, including the inadequacy of KeyArena, the inability of political leaders in Seattle and the state of Washington to support the construction of a satisfactory modern playing facility, and the dwindling support for the Sonics in Seattle from fans and sponsors, Seattle’s potential is not being realized.”

Note to NBA: Seattle’s potential will be realized all the better when Joe gets to keep more of his $27 per hour to spend as he pleases instead of buying another billionaire another running back for $10,000 per hour.

PS. You know I’m all about “Flipping It”, which means taking conventional wisdom and doing exactly opposite of it. Well, sometimes, conventional wisdom is right, and you can’t be outrageous for no good reason. And, man, you had to wonder what the heck the Seahawks were thinking back when they signed Shaun Alexander to that whopping $62 million contract back just a couple years ago. I mean, I am never much of a fan of any particular team, but I do become a fan of individual players, and I’m a fan of Shaun’s play on the field and how he seems to be a good family, community and business man off the field. But I remember having the discussion over Guinness about how it seemed like a bad idea to sign a running back who’s not named Barry or Walter to a mindblowing contact as the dude’ll be turning 30 before the third year of the deal even kicks in. Remember Terrell Davis? That guy who started his career as a nobody at Long Beach State, which actually canceled their football program while they had a future NFL and Superbowl MVP on the roster, and was a sixth round choice? That 28, 29, 30 year barrier is tough for a running back, no? Certainly intimidating enough to warrant not throwing $62,000,000 at it…